Maly balances on her belly as she tries to pull her toys out of the laundry basket.
Setting your first born’s sonogram video to the Forrest Gump theme song is about as smart as drinking boxed wine while chopping onions and staring at a lava lamp.
“We should be posting on the baby website more often.”
“Why? There’s not a whole lot to write about.”
“I know. But we should be documenting feelings. And stuff…”
Elise could probably write a novel about what she’s feeling and her experiences interacting with the baby as it has its own schedule and times it moves the most.
I had my first interaction with the baby last night while we were sitting on the couch. Baby was dancing up a storm and Elise put my hand on her stomach. Nothing. She pushed my hand down and the baby kicked my hand. It wasn’t like the first time I felt it when her whole stomach popped up. This time I felt a little foot kick the palm of my hand. That was amazing!
Elise took her hand off of mine and after a few seconds, I felt a little thump on my palm. I firmly pushed down on Elise’s stomach and the baby kicked my palm again. It was our first physical interaction and that’s something that I really just can’t put into words.
As far as feelings… I’ve never been one to express emotions or feelings. I’m pretty sure Elise has noticed that I’ve somehow, subconciously put myself on the back burner. I suppose it’s my own instinct that I have allowed myself to become the reclusive #2. The analogy that comes to mind is what happens when most parents bring a new baby to a family that has a dog. The dog is inquisitive at first but quickly realizes that he’s been replaced. He’s instinctively jealous. He lays down on the floor, acting like he’s comfortable and strategically faces a direction where he can pretend he’s not interested but from where he can still shoot unnoticed glances at his replacement.
I love Elise more than anything and even though we don’t know each other yet, I love our baby just as much. I think I’m just having a really hard time processing everything. I elected to not read any of the books that are out there that make paranoid wrecks out of parents-to-be. I don’t sit well with information overload and our ancestors seemed to have fared well without the books, videos and websites.
I don’t have very many questions about the pregnancy. I guess it helps that a lot of our friends are new parents and Elise’s OB provides us with, what I think, is everything we need to know. I don’t question Mother Nature so I’m riding out the experience. I joyfully accepted the fact that I am going to be a dad on the day that Elise showed me the results of her pregnancy test.
Maybe I’m depressed, too. People tend to get that way after the holidays. Although it’s not really that cold here in Austin, I hate the winter months when the skies are constantly gray and the days are short. I’m turning 30 on Thursday so maybe I’m sad about growing older. I’m worried about finances. I’m worried about drowning our child in my vomit when I have to change a diaper full of stinky, liquid poo.
So I’m worried, stressed, depressed, confused, anxious, excited and jealous. Next month I’ll probably start menstruating.
Note: this was written in 2006
I am suffering terribly from what is known as Couvade Syndrome. I’ve been experiencing a lot of stomach cramping and a couple bouts with nausea. I been stricken with a lovely condition that I like to call p.m. heartburn that could choke a donkey. I have a right-side recurring sciatica that can only be treated by walking around in circles and deep tissue massaging my own ass in public. I’ve gained embarassing sympathy weight, have grown a beard, I’m extremely irritable and I cried after watching “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on Sunday. I’ve never experienced any of the aforementioned conditions in the past and have always been a very healthy person. I’d heard of Couvade Syndrome before but didn’t think of it as a real condition. I’m here to tell you that it’s very real and it sucks. Elise is doing great with the pregnancy. That bitch.