And it begins…

Elise and I are having a “discussion” on hypnobirthing. All I can say about this “discussion” thus far is that Dr. Grantley Dick-Read’s Birth Philosophy would be the coolest name for a band.

One of my employees went for her ‘big’ ultrasound yesterday. I asked how everything went when I first got into the office this morning. She immediately presented her ultrasound photo. I looked at it and tried to use my best dad-to-be sonogram reading skills to no avail.

I quickly gave up and asked, “Okay, what are we looking at here?”

She said, “The legs.” as she pointed to the legs.

“Alright… so what is this little thing next to the arrow.”

“That would be, ummm… his little thing.”

So congrats to Brittany and her husband on their little boy!

Elise finally has cravings!!! I don’t know if that sentence is that exciting as her cravings are for McDonald’s cheeseburgers. She’s eaten four McDonald’s cheeseburgers this week. She made mention of her craving to me last night and got my sympothy-weight-gaining-ass on the wagon and I wanted a McDonalds cheeseburger. So she brought McDonald’s home tonight for dinner. I regret that.

“Uuuggghhh… our child is NEVER eating at McDonald’s”

“Awww… but McDonald’s was a once-a-month treat for us.”

“Awww… hell no.”

We try to eat right the majority of the time. The next ten years are going to be fun.

Aside from the “stupid bitch” comment, Elise and I thought this was hilarious.

Watch the Video

Elise is a little over sixteen weeks pregnant and so far all has been relatively uneventful. I supposed this is a blessing as Elise hasn’t suffered from any pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness or a rabid labido. When you’re a little older and find yourself reading this, that last part is what mom calls “Daddy’s humor.” She requires a bit more sleep and is hungry more frequently but both have just seemed natural.

Speaking of eating. Yesterday I spent the better part of the day smoking a chicken and preparing an El Regio-style taco dinner complete with a super-spicy verde sauce a la El Arroyo. We ate dinner at 6:30 and not an hour later Elise was on the couch with a big bowl of cereal and a banana!

I honestly don’t have many questions or concerns from a biological perspective. It helps that a few of our friends recently had babies and they’ve been very helpful in this whole process thus far.

I have two concerns right now: Names and the nursery. What the hell are we going to name our child? I have a small list of girl names, none of which I’m completely in love with, and pretty much zilch for boy names. I don’t want to get to game day and end up naming our kid Lemongelo or Meconium.

Elise has been researching names online but we both don’t want to pick a name from a book or a website. We can’t combine our names because Elosh or Jolise just don’t cut the mustard. We have six more months. We have time. I just like to have things taken care of well in advance.

The other concern is the nursery. Right now the “nursery” is an extra bedroom in our house that is currently acting as a holding room for all of our crap. Where is this crap going to go? The room needs to be painted. Do I need to order and install hardwood to match the rest of the house (not to mention the carpet is stained from the previous owners’ dogs)? And I think we need to purchase baby furniture. We haven’t bought anything for the baby. All we have is a little iPod outfit, some duck booties and 20 diapers. How far will that get us?

Perhaps we should forego conventional baby-raising standards and swaddle the kid in a large plaintain leaf and wipe its butt with an oak twig. We could raise it on raw venison and mother’s milk alone. We could adopt old tribal standards and the kid could earn its name. That would relieve me of one of my worries. Bapende Mambunda Janicek - Little one with oak bark in butt crack who gnarls deer flesh.

I’m sure names and the nursery are big concerns for Elise as well. We just haven’t discussed them in a while. I will mention my concerns to my wife tonight.

Elise and I had our third visit with Dr. S this morning. This was the shortest and most uneventful visit so far. The nurse came into the exam room and went down her checklist of question: Nausea? Vomiting? Headache? Spotting? Painful urination? Cramps? and some others, all to which were answered no.

The nurse then used the doppler to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. It took her a couple minutes to find the heartbeat. She said the baby wouldn’t hold still. The baby finally sat still long enough for the nurse to count a healthy 160 BPM heartbeat.

After that Dr. S came into the exam room and reviewed Elise’s chart. Elise had, what she thought, a kidney infection a month ago. She later determined that it was a pulled muscle in her back. Dr. S inquired about the mysterious kidney problem. No news there as Elise’s body seems to be doing well. Mom and baby both received a clean bill of health and we were warned that the weight gain should really start this month.

Later this month we go in for the mother of all ultrasounds where a sonographer will closely examine our baby (and we’ll get a video of the procedure as well). I’m really looking forward to that!

Listen to the baby’s heartbeat here