And it begins…

According to this medical journal, this is how it works in Germany.

NOVA Online has it’s 1-hour program “Life’s Greatest Miracle” available to view online for free using RealVideo or QuickTime.

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Chris Cagle recently found out that his baby isn’t really his after all. D’oh! Please make sure this news is kept secret.

I have no clue as to who Chris Cagle (not a fan of country) is but he’s playing at the infamous Austin County Fair this Thursday. Too bad we won’t be there to hear the “Baby Ain’t Mine Blues”.

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my
feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A. So what’s your question?

Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Elise has a horrible urinary tract infection. She been pretty much layed up for the past two days. It’s been so bad that she actually had to come home from work yesterday.

She went into Dr. S’s office today for a “10 stick test”. Everything came back okay. Elise has had a UTI before and knows what it feels like it. She says that’s what it is. The Dr.’s office sent a sample to the label for a culture so we won’t know anything for a couple days. Until then it’s lots of water and cranberry juice (not from concentrate).

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We went in for our second appointment with Dr. S this morning. Everything is coming along great! Dr. S seemed quite impressed that Elise is having very mild symptoms. She hasn’t had morning sickness although her hunger fits come on suddenly and earlier this week she started getting the occassional headache.

We got to hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. That was the most gorgeous sound I’ve ever heard. A perfect rhythm and a healthy 160 beats per minute!

Elise had blood drawn to determine blood type, antigens and immune system analysis. I think there were a couple other reasons but I was still too excited having just heard the heartbeat that I can’t seem to remember.

We then went into the ultrasound room for our second ultrasound. Dr. S was scanning around looking for something and zoomed right past the baby. She kept talking and panning around and jokingly said, “Oh yeah, I guess you want to see the baby!”

She got a great view for us and we could clearly make out the head, body, arms, fingers and legs. Our baby treated us to the best Axl Rose “Sweet Child O’ Mine” dance ever! It was in there just moving it’s little shoulders and arms and swinging it’s legs around. That’s my kid!

It was so exciting that I’m at a loss for words. It’s amazing how something so small (literally) can make your heart swell so big.

The past couple weeks have been ho-hum in Dad-to-be land. I attribute that to still being very early on in the pregnancy and that there hasn’t been a huge physical difference in Elise. After our doctor’s visit today I am baby-charged and pumped again!

Q. What do model train sets and women’s breasts have in common?

A. Both are intended for children, but it’s the fathers that always end up playing with them.

Kerry suggested I try out the China Gold website to get a guess on the sex of our baby. Here are the results:

You entered mother’s birthday Sunday, February 09, 1975 and child’s birthday Friday, April 21, 2006

We calculated the child’s conception date was Friday, July 29, 2005 by subtracting the gestation of pregnant 266 days from the birthday.

According to your information, mother’s Virtual Lunar Age at the conception was 32 years old (Note: The Lunar age is usually 1 or 2 years older than mother’s actual age) and the conception month was Lunar June. Personal Baby Chart indicates Girl. See the chart below.

Elise and I aren’t going to find out the sex of the baby until the day. This surprises a lot of people. I always thought I would embrace technology and know the sex of my children before birth until I married Elise. I think it’s fun to not know. There are too few surprises in this world that you can “control”, so we’re keeping the sex of the baby a surprise.

Most people think we’re having a boy. Steve (my Father-in-law) and I have a feeling that our first born will be a girl.

What do you think?

One of my employees had to take the day off today because her little girl is sick. She brought her daughter in this afternoon on the way to the doctor. She’s a cute little 9-month-old girl who I think looks like her dad. I’ve only seen her dad two, maybe three, times but can definitely see the similarities.

This is fascinating for me because I have never been able to determine parent and young offspring similarities. I still can’t see similarities among my Godson and his parents.